![]() Our shortcomings get thrown in our faces constantly so that we believe we are made up of the worst part of ourselves. After years of deconstructive conditioning, hearing “good luck finding someone to put up with you” we truly believe that in our hearts. We also think that no one else will want us. If there is no one to help you, then it may seem impossible. If you leave, not only do you have to take care of yourself (and your children), but you also have to start over from rock bottom. You feel like your life starts and ends with him. When women are in an abusive situation, we feel like we are completely alone and trapped, essentially you are in your own mind. The abuse comes in all different forms, but each type of abuse is just as detrimental whether it is emotional, physical or psychological. His addiction is savagely evoking and witnessing your pain and addiction is attempting to regain his validation” (Arabi, 2017, p. “Each withdrawal from the drug leaves you reeling. You cannot predict that it will ever happen to you and when it does, you can literally watch yourself disappear.Īfter going through the abuse and learning about my addiction to my abuser, I talked to the women around me and realized how common it is. “Where you once felt carefree, lighthearted and loving, you now feel as if you are being turned into a different person that resembles nothing like you once were” (Arabi, 2017, p. Domestic violence and abuse doesn’t discriminate though. You can talk about it and most women will say, I would never let anyone treat me like that or go through that with any man. That’s the hard thing to explain to people, especially when your scars aren’t visible to the world. Remember, no one can ever really know what you have been through, until they have lived through it too. You were a victim, now become a survivor. You need someone to remind you that you are strong and able. If I can reach at least one woman through this book, then I am glad I went through it. After five years of exploitation and narcissistic abuse, I finally became strong enough to leave and stay gone. He said no one will love you as you are and he broke me down piece by piece until I had nothing left of myself. He fed off my pain and intentionally provoked me where I disclosed my weaknesses. He saw my scars and ripped them open one by one recreating my own devaluation and new insecurities. ![]() He taught me how to be completely ashamed of myself and all I was. All I could think about was how did I get here? How could I have let things escalate this bad? He controlled every angle of my life, even how I would feel on a day to day basis. ![]() Finally, he released and I could breathe again. No matter how hard I fought, he was stronger than me. He had complete control over me mentally and physically. I didn’t think he would let me go and my body was getting weaker. I started seeing the black fog creep in the corners of my eyes as I was gasping for air. I was kicking my legs and clawing at his hands, trying to loosen his grip. His hands were like a vice around my throat. He had a fist full of my hair, yanking me backwards, snapping my head back like a twig and slammed me on the bed by my neck. I turned around to get away from him and he grabbed the back of my head. Message: He was violently screaming at me. I will post the introduction for bloggers to read below: It is still a work in progress, especially with wrapping up the ending. This is the book I started writing right after I left an abusive relationship.
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